Sunday, March 10, 2013

Getting Honest

Hello everybody :D!!! Holy cow, it really has been a long time!!! So much has happened in my life since I last posted anything. I guess that should be obvious since it's been almost a year, but seriously. So many good things have happened.

((If you don't want to read this and want to skip to the important stuff, skip down to *IMPORTANT*))

Last August 31st, I was able to release my first ever album entitled "Axis" under the artist name "Axis." You can find it on iTunes here>> https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/axis-ep/id557193829 or you can listen to the full songs on Spotify. It's made around 20$ when it comes to streaming and people purchasing the album, I received many compliments on it, and was thrilled to know that people were and still are enjoying my music. I filmed my music video over the summer, but decided that I wanted more variety in the shots, so I'm going to be doing a couple more shoots over the next couple months. One being indoor and the other being in Goblin Valley, just for variety and for the fun of it :). It has been one of the most fun things that I've ever done and really makes me feel like I'm fulfilling what it is that I want to do while I'm alive.

I know I've thanked these people before, but I seriously couldn't have accomplished what I did without my mom, Felicia Farerre, my dad, Todd Sorensen, and my good friend Christie, her dad, and my good Japanese friends Chinatsu Kobayashi and Kumiko Koseki. The Japanese on my album would've been horrible without them! My mom helped me with vocals and my dad mixed the music together after I'd recorded all the instruments and such. Christie and her dad have been the ones that have helped me film the music video and it's been so much fun! Thank you all so much for your help with my first album!!

I'm hoping to release my 2nd album before summer starts, and I'm going to stick to that goal as well as I can despite the fact that school has definitely kept me on my toes ever since it started last August, right before my first album was released.

If you'd like, you can go to this link and see my fanpage on Facebook>> http://www.facebook.com/axisofficial

I've also been doing a lot of time lapse art videos and posting them on YouTube. You can find my channel here>> http://www.youtube.com/user/alexisnaquel

One thing before I really delve deep into why I'm posting this today! My primary e-mail address is changing from akane.uzumaki@gmail.com to alexisnaquel@gmail.com , so if you need to get a hold of me, PLEASE send your e-mail to alexisnaquel@gmail.com ! I'm going to eventually delete my akane.uzumaki@gmail.com account and am in the process of transferring everything over to my alexisnaquel@gmail.com account :).

*IMPORTANT*
All right, so the reason why I'm posting this entry today is because for the past couple weeks I've been really thinking about my experience at BYU and how I've treated my classmates, teachers, and the animation program even, and I wanted to take a minute to apologize. Honestly.

I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit. I came to BYU from UVU, which I'd been highly enjoying because I had all the freedoms I'd ever wanted in the world. I wasn't strong in the church when I went to UVU and didn't plan on ever getting back into it. Ever again. It's just not something that I have interest in. I really believe that the church teaches great things and has helped me learn how to live an enriching, healthful, balanced life, but my faith in the church isn't strong. And I don't mind it being that way. In fact, when I first transferred to BYU, I hated going there because it felt like everything around me was so church-based, it made me feel sick. I tried to distance myself from everyone and everything as much as I possibly could because I didn't want people knowing that I hated going to BYU, I hated going to church, I just hated, and hated, and hated. I looked for other schools that I could attend that had good animation programs, but realized that I'd be drilling a pretty huge hole in my pocket if I went anywhere else, especially out of state, and eventually gave up on the idea of leaving, especially once I'd gotten accepted into the animation program.

When I found out I'd actually gotten accepted into the program, I didn't really feel happy. I felt trapped. In my head it seemed like I was going to be in prison for the next four years, and I wasn't very excited. The only thing that really kept me going was thinking that the program was going to help me get a job in the future. I kept my walls up whenever I interacted with people in the program and looking back on all of it, I really regret the fact that I didn't reach out more or talk to people more, not from a networking standpoint, but just from a friendship standpoint.

Once I moved out in 2011, I initially really felt alone most of the time, but tried to keep it to myself because no one likes a whiner. Plus, it was my choice to be alone. I was really glad that I moved out though, because I feel like that's when I hit a turning point and really started to grow up and realize that being at BYU, as much as I haven't enjoyed some aspects of it, has been a really wonderful opportunity to meet some really sweet, really fun people and learn some really incredible things. Although my disinterest in the church still stands, I don't feel angry about it nearly half as much as I used to. It still bothers me sometimes, but I can look past that and enjoy the experiences that I'm having with the students I've become friends with and the teachers that I feel closer to now than I did before. As much as I was afraid of being judged by other people for not liking or wanting to attend church, I was judging other people because they were attending church, so I was unquestionably a hypocrite.

The reason why I'm writing this is because I want to be honest and open with the people that I interact with, and I'm sorry that I haven't been honest until now. I really value the connections that I've made at BYU and I want to keep those connections strong and uplifting. I'm really sorry that I haven't been open with you and that I pushed you all away for the past few years. I'm really sorry if I ever offended you or upset you in any way. I really value my connection with you, whether we're just acquaintances, or whether we're friends. I hope you'll forgive me for not being honest with you and I hope that I can keep you in my life despite my mistakes.

I don't mean to be incredibly dramatic either. Saying these things and bringing them out into the open is just a difficult thing for me to do because I've kept it buried for the past few years. Whether you still want to be connected with me is up to you, but I'm totally open and will do my absolute best to be honest from here on out. You're all wonderful people and I'm so happy that I've gotten to meet you and get to know you and I hope to get to know you all better in the future even though graduation for most of you is happening this semester. I graduate next year because I've been taking my classes at a slow pace (which is entirely my decision), and also just finished my Japanese minor last semester, just so you all know :).

By the way, when I say that I haven't been honest, I mean when it comes to my opinions about the church. When I say that I haven't been open, it means that I haven't shared my complete opinions or honest opinions about things because I'm very afraid of conflict and would rather alter my own opinion than fight for my own, which might sound stupid, but I'm working hard to make my opinions stronger and my skin a little tougher.

Within the past few months I've really began to open up, or at least that's how it feels to me and it's such a wonderful feeling! I felt like this message was needed though to let you know that I'm finally starting to feel comfortable enough to completely be myself without feeling afraid of people liking me or hating me for various reasons. So, if you've noticed me talking to you more lately, this is why. I'm finally opening up and learning to be honest, despite what consequences might follow <3 .="" p="">
I hope that this message hasn't brought you down in any way, I just wanted to inform you about me and why I've acted the way that I have at school. If you read this, thank you for reading it! I hope to continue to be your friend in the future.

Happy Sunday to all of you,

~Ali~

2 comments:

John Herzog said...

Fantastic post, Ali.

Just so you know, it's been great to be in classes with you over the last few semesters. You're one of the few people who consistently laughs at my silliness, and I can't tell you how much of a boost that gives me. I think you're a fantastic artist, and your perspective on the world is wonderful and different, which is great considering our current situation smack-dab in the middle of Happy Valley.

I listened to your album and enjoyed it. For whatever reason, while I listened, it reminded me a lot of the the movie Looper. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

Thanks for being you.

Alexis Naquel said...

John, I'm so honored that you read my post and that we got to talk a little bit about it yesterday. It was literally one of the highlights of my day knowing that you'd taken the time to read it. I'm relieved to know that it's been a positive experience to be in the same class. You're a hilarious guy and I know that I've enjoyed being in class with you. It's hard not to laugh when you make awesome comments/jokes/stories!

I really appreciate your compliments and the fact that you value different perspectives on life/the world as well. It feels like that's a rarity around here, but that might just be because I haven't interacted with a whole lot of people besides the people in the program.

I'm also happy to know you enjoyed my album! I'll really have to look into that Looper movie. Maybe I can find it on Netflix?

Anywho, thank you again for your kindness and understanding and for taking the time to read this!